I don't know why I've always had a connection to dates - specific dates that have an impact on my life. 366 days ago is when our life started a trajectory we did not envision nor know anything about. That was the morning I received a call from an ER doctor telling me that my daughter was in their care, was intoxicated and babbling about wanting to die. We had known that our daughter had struggled with anxiety and self harm, was defiant and sneaking out of the house. Like most teenagers, she used alcohol and occasionally marijuana. We had enforced consequences for her behavior, and were concerned for the frequency that these events were occurring but we did not realize just how deep the problems were.
I raced to the hospital, where my daughter was in a solitary room on suicide watch. She was still rather drunk (+ 0.10 when she arrived at the ER), and quite sleepy. The little bit of a story I was able to get out was that she had been with friends all night drinking, she was driving and realized she was drunk and shouldn't be driving, and she began having a panic attack. The "friends" she was with dropped her off at the ER of local children's hospital and left. This began our journey into the world of dual diagnosis: mental illness with a drug or alcohol addiction. Initially, our daughter fought against both of these labels, wanting to focus only on the mental illness portion of depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. She fought against any type of label of having a problem with drugs or alcohol, maintained that she did not have a problem. After spending eight days in an adolescent behavioral health unit, she came home and began outpatient care at a local facility. This facility was a dual diagnosis therapy center, and she hated it from the beginning. This impeded her ability to seek and accept the help she desperately needed. She fought the daily group and treatment options available to her, consequently making no progress in her health.
Her alcohol and her drug use escalated, expanding drug use to crack cocaine and Molly/Ecstasy. We were managing some of her behaviors with rules and consequences at home, but she still was sneaking out, using, lying, and stealing. Three months after beginning outpatient treatment, she swallowed over 150 Benadryl tablets in a suicide attempt. Thankfully, she was not successful and it seemed that she had finally hit her rock bottom. She was moved into a dual diagnosis residential treatment facility where she embraced her drug and alcohol abuse, and also the necessity for intense treatment for her many mental illnesses.
She spent 3 1/2 months in residential treatment, and after a few rocky months back at home, including another hospital stay and a drug/alcohol relapse, she's in a much more stable place. Each day is progress and gives us all hope. When I reflected with her how far she has come in 366 days, she was pensive as she realized what a turn her life has taken. She will continue to work hard at both her sobriety and her mental health, as this is something she will have to work through her entire life. It is the disease that doesn't go away with time, it only allows you to become stronger in your fight. 366 days has given me hope that I didn't have 367 days ago; hope for my daughter and for the amazing life she has ahead of her.
