This is a week I dread every year since 2005, because I can vividly recall the events each day leading up to the day my youngest son Colm was born. March 9th was the last day I felt him move inside of me; March 12th is the day the doctor. told me that my son's heart was no longer beating; March 15th was the day Corey and I walked into Best Buy to purchase a digital camera to catalog every moment we had with our unborn son and the unknowing sales associate helping us congratulated us on the birth of our baby. Neither of us had the heart to tell him that this baby wouldn't take a breath, open his eyes, or utter a cry as he emerged into this world. March 16th day was the day I walked into Fairview Ridges Hospital to give birth to my youngest son; March 17th was the day I left the hospital without my baby boy.
What is so significant for me this year, is that 10 years have passed. It is beyond my comprehension that much time has gone by, because so much of it is still a clear memory for me. I am also terrified that with each passing year I might forget the emotions of this week, which in some way seems as if I would forget him. Ten years ago today, I sensed something wasn't right, my little baby boy who wiggled whenever I ate a bowl of ice cream or sat in front of the computer screen was not responding to either. I prayed that in the next hour I would feel a twinge of movement, or feel a resounding KICK from him, but all I felt was a heavy weight in my stomach.
My heart is heavy during this week, but it is also lifted in love by all of our friends and family members who remember his brief, but sweet, life. Tears and sadness are okay -- it is all a part of the journey. If you see me, even if I have a smile, know that an extra prayer or hug will let me know you are thinking of my sweet little boy who will be celebrating his 10th birthday in Heaven with the angels this weekend.
